I am awkward.

It's been, what, two months since I've updated this thing? I realize real life happens more often than once every two or three months, but I don't update it as often as real life happens. I mean, I'd have to update it every day. How exhausting. Not to mention mundane. "Just took another breath. Our house smells weird so it was mildly unsatisfactory." Thrilling. But hey, I write in my journal once a week. Okay, fine, sometimes once every two weeks. Get off my back.

Anyway, instead of talking about finishing my first semester of law school and taking finals and scrubbing the bathroom for 2.5 hours today and burning my lungs with the fumes, I thought I'd update the blogging world about my love life. Don't worry, it'll be short. The update: nothing new. Still nothing on the horizon. Why, you ask? Check out the title of this post. I. Am. Awkward. Horrifically so. Allow me to list a few experiences to illustrate. (I like lists because they're logical and organized. It's nice.)

1. Once upon a time, I was trying to flip my hair in a sexy way. I was leaning against a door while attempting this. I did not succeed in flipping in my hair in a sexy way, but I did succeed in smacking my head against the door and making everyone around me laugh.

2. A (very attractive) boy was drinking out of my water bottle, prompting me to make a face. He told me not to pretend I didn't like it, and I answered (rather wittily, I thought), "Yeah, now I have your DNA. I can clone you!" Well. That didn't go over quite as well as I thought it would. I laughed, because I thought it was funny. That's why I said it. He stared at me for a full minute and then said, "That was sort of creepy." Hmm. Too bad.

3. I was recently at a bridal shower for one of my old roommates. There was a lot of food there, most notably chili and cornbread. Then her aunt brought out what looked like a bowl of mashed potatoes. It was sort of a smallish bowl, considering how many people were there, but I didn't think much of it--I was excited for mashed potatoes. I asked one of my other roommates who was there, "Are those mashed potatoes?" and she answered in the affirmative. So I took a big scoop and then decided I couldn't wait to get some potatoes in my mouth. I took a giant bite. And then I discovered it was not mashed potatoes. No, instead, it was honey butter. You know, for the cornbread? So there I was, a giant wad of honey butter on my tongue, and I didn't know what to do. Should I spit it out? That's gross. Should I swallow it? That's also gross. But there were many people around me, many people I did not know and was not comfortable with, and I panicked, so, next thing I knew, my esophagus was contracting and a mouthful of honey butter was sliiiiiiding on down. So gross.

4. Our ward had a talent show a little while back, and there was pizza afterward. My FHE brother was standing by the pizza, and I wanted to congratulate him on his super awesome performance. Somehow, I gesticulated so emphatically that I actually managed to flip over a box of pizza at him. Luckily, I caught most of the pizza, but it was still embarrassing. His eyes got all wide and I believe he said something to the effect of, "Ahhhh, whoa whoa whoa!" Later, when my roommates and I left, I noticed I had pizza sauce all over both sleeves.

5. All semester, I have had a semi-secret half-crush on a boy in two of my classes. At the beginning of the semester, I was accidentally rude to him, so he doesn't really like me or talk to me. We were walking past each other in the carrels. I was deep in thought, really contemplating super important things. (To be exact, I was thinking about what I was going to eat for dinner when I got home.) I didn't really notice when he said very cheerily, "Ready for contracts?!" I sort of grunted at him and kept walking. He hasn't tried talking to me since. This is actually something that happens semi-often to me--people think I'm kind of mean, but really I'm just sort of lost in my own head somewhere and don't realize that they're talking to me until after the moment's passed, or I don't realize whatever I'm doing is rude. The thing is, being a sociology major doesn't mean I understand social norms or mores--it just means I know what those are and why they're important for society. I don't relate to other people all that well, and sometimes I'm downright flabbergasted by what's an acceptable interaction and what's not. You might say I'm sort of like an alien. Or I might say that, because I kind of like the idea. (Another weird quirk for another time...)

So there you have it. While these stories are entertaining, they also show how incredibly not smooth I am. I have this grand dream that someday a boy will find my awkwardness hilariously endearing. I'll trip over my own feet and he'll smile and say, "You're cute." I'll say something slightly creepy and he'll laugh because he understands my sense of humor. Hopefully, he'll see me about to take a giant bite of honey butter and rescue me before I put it in my mouth or after I say something rude he'll explain ever so gently, "That was rude, dumbo. Normal humans don't like to be told they're wrong every second of every day." Think of how my life will improve when this man enters it! I hope he exists or can be conjured up some time soon. I say conjured up because I am not opposed to magic. Or if they invent some of kind robot humans, I could handle that. Obviously an actual human male would be the most ideal, but I'm keeping my options open just in case.

Assorted News

First off, I got my LSAT score back. And ohhhhhhh baby am I proud of myself! I got a 163, which is the 88th percentile. I keep going back to the website to look at my score to make sure I really did read it right and it really isn't going away.

It's probably good enough to get me into my top choices (University of Maryland, BYU, George Washington, Lewis and Clark, Gonzaga), but my GPA may possibly drag me down. 3.5 sounds great when compared to my 2.8 roommate, but it doesn't look so hot next to all the 3.7s and 3.8s I'll be up against. Curses on Hebrew and Anatomy for giving me so much trouble! (But they were definitely my favorite classes and taught me the most. Why can't I be graded on how hard I tried and how much I learned?)

In other news, my "no-crush" resolution from the last post was a dismal failure. I lasted all of three weeks into the semester. I was holding out. I went the whole 7-week break prepping myself. I was really doing it. I did not flirt with a male in all that time, though at least one tried. In fact, I was so anti-boy I was rude. It was mean of me. And this particular new boy got some of that meanness in the beginning, before I even noticed him.

And then one day at work I heard a voice behind me and turned around to look and...well, he was cute. But then I forgot about him and went back to my man-hating. Until a few days later, when there was an open seat next to him.

"Okay, self," I told myself, "You have two options. You can stay away from him and keep your resolution and save yourself a lot of trouble and worrying and heartache. Or you can go sit next to him, talk to him, and inevitably end up with a crush on him that will most likely end in more frustration, tears, and pain."

Obviously I chose B.

It took about 5 seconds for me to develop a mad crush on him. He is smart, funny, very cute, nice, and (I think like this best of all) he tells me things like "You are beautiful" and "You make me smile" and "You're one of my favorite people" and wraps me up in big giant hugs in his big giant arms and smiles big giant smiles down at me. It's completely foreign and slightly scary but kind of amazing at the same time. :)

I keep telling myself not to get my hopes up, but myself won't listen and my hopes are already up. He seems pretty interested in me, but then again a few before him have seemed that way, as well. We shall see. I just hope I'm not shooting myself in the foot by half-expecting him to turn out to be a waste of time. I have a hard time believing it could be that easy--I could like someone and he could actually like me back, just like that. It's never happened that way before. I'm a sociologist. I follow trends and patterns, and this does not fit the trend. I want to do research and study and understand it scientifically.

Blogging is obviously not one of my talents. Apparently I only use this thing to vent. Sorry to anyone who has to read all those. I promise I have fun and love my life and am very blessed and all that jazz. I need to vent though. I'll mix good things in, too.

--Shooting guns is fun, and I am lucky to have good ol' country boys as my friends who have guns and are willing to take me shooting and let me waste their shells. I cannot hit a moving target to save my life (I really doubt that will ever be necessary to save my life, luckily), but I'm not too bad at blowing the branches off bushes. Sorry, nature.

--I've been pretty into Bob Marley lately. Just his music, not his drugs or hairstyle. Unsanitary.

--I am tan. Not really tan compared to many other people, but tan compared to my winter-self, which is always a fun thing. I've actually had several people comment on it, and the other day I was the tannest person out of our group of blonde, blue-eyed Aryans. Thank you very much!

--Sometimes I really hate girls. Why are they so mean to each other? And by that I mean: why do they always have to try to steal the boy I want? Especially when they are one of my really good friends and know better than anyone how much I like said boy? And why is it the girls who do that are always the ones who seem to have some kind of magnetic device that attracts all boys to them, no matter what, so even if he wanted to resist her wiles and pick me he would be powerless to do so?

--I also sometimes really hate boys. Why does it not matter if you've been friends for a long time and hang out every day and talk about everything and are super close? Why do they always choose some girl they barely know just because of that stupid magnet thing, even though she's way too young for them and way too high maintenance for them and doesn't even like the same music they do, for CRYING OUT LOUD??! And why do some boys who have been your best friend for 7 months and cuddle with you and call you every other day and have sisters you hang out with and get along with really well have to start dating someone else and then ask you for advice about it? Or boys you wrote to every week for their whole mission and sent packages to on their birthdays get home and start dating someone else and tell you they hope it works out with that girl because she was the only one who wrote to him who he "saw any potential with." That part is definitely not fun.

--It's finals week. I finished a paper today, have 8 more pages of another paper to write, haven't studied even one second for my anatomy and physiology final tomorrow, and have to take a final at 7 am on Friday. Why on Earth does a final exam at 7 am even EXIST? That's disgusting. My brain is supposed to be on and writing essays about value theory ethics and consequentialism at 7 in the morning? Yeah, right.

--I've decided to move to a different apartment complex after fall semester. That's a huge deal for me. I've never moved. I have lived in the same complex for the entire 3 years I've been in college, and I've been in the exact same apartment for over a year now. I don't deal with change well, which is why I need to do it. I am scared, even though it's really not that big a deal.

--My brother is getting married. Weird. I am going to have a sister-in-law. And I've never met her. So strange. And I admit I was upset at first. Working on that.

--I teach the students I tutor about time management. I am a hypocrite. Luckily they don't know that.

--Seriously, I'm mad about my roommate trying to hork my man. I've been seething about it all weekend and specifically all day yesterday and today. Plus when stuff like that happens I tend to back off rather than fight harder for him, so I haven't talked to him in like two days, which is actually not normal for us and is making me more upset. Oh, what a mess. I denounce men from here on out. I'm moving to the moon and my law degree will have to keep me warm at night, until I'm an actual lawyer and pay off my student debts and can afford a fancy heater. And then we'll see who's laughing when I'm rich and have a yacht and buy my own small island with the money I'm saving due to my large income and expenses of only one person and possibly some cacti (no cats because I hate them), which are the ideal plant because they are actually better off if you leave them to their own devices.

--I suddenly just caught a very strong whiff of skunk coming through my open window. Gag.

--I'm going home for 7 weeks and have no idea if I have a job or anything. I emailed the supervisor at the bank and haven't heard back. That will be an extremely long 7 weeks if I have no job. Not to mention the fact that I will end up being a bum and not getting to eat in the fall as a trade-off for having a place to live.

Bitterness over. Time for bed. I need to finish my paper and take my tests and pack up what I'm taking home for 7 weeks and clean...but it's 11:06 and that's actually half an hour later than I usually stay up.

You know those moments when you're thinking about the future in relation to your own life and specifically the complications that are most likely going to arise and you start hyperventilating and getting scared and wanting to hide in your bed with your head under your covers and cuddle up to your baby blanket and your stuffed dog?

Yeah...those aren't very fun.

I had one of those days today, for a couple of reasons. Reason one was because I had to do an assignment for my class to look up grad schools and pick the top three I'm interested in. Since I'm planning on law school, I was looking at those. Apparently they're all on the east coast and cost upwards of 40,000 smackers. So I had a small freak-out over that. Reason two was it's the end of the semester and endings always make me freak out. I just don't deal with transitions very well, especially when the friend I've been spending pretty much every day with and getting super close to is graduating and going home. :( WAH WAH!

On the plus side, my missionary friend comes home in 6 weeks. :) :) :) I miss him and can't wait for him to be home and hang out with me! And when I come back to Rexburg it will be on the upward swing of the weather! Sunshine always makes everything better. Annnnd I get to go home this weekend and be with my family for a whole week! YAY!!!

ABCs: B

I don't necessarily like whining, but I am feeling the need to do so and what better place to do so than on my own blog?

B is for boys and also boo, because those two things go hand in hand for me lately. Usually, I do not have a problem with boys. I'm quite a fan of them, in fact. But lately, they are sucking. Hardcore. I want them all to die in a fiery plane crash. Okay, that's a little extreme. But seriously...I am tired of them. I know not ALL boys are oblivious and idiotic and go for dumb girls. I have seen some be sweet and go for good girls who are smart and fun and that helps me to not hate them. However, it appears that all the ones who go for good, smart, fun girls already have. There is an unequal distribution of good boys to good girls. Therefore, I have decided to move to the moon. I am starting a girl colony, and no boys are allowed. You'd be surprised at the number of girls who've expressed interest in this idea!

I'm just bitter because a good one I wanted chose someone else. I know, I know--I'm young, I have time, there are other fish in the sea. Blah blah blah. I know all this. It doesn't make me want to throw things and scream and kill someone any less.

(And why does the girl have to be so nice? Why does she have to smile and say hi when I see her on campus? Can't she just be horrible and mean so I don't feel bad when hatred and bitterness radiate off me? At least I can be secure in the knowledge that I am smarter than she is. But that doesn't help too much, because apparently smarts don't matter to him. Cool.)

The song that defines me right now: "I'll Think of a Reason Later" by Lee Ann Womack.

Also I am bitter because my roommate is cooking some unknown, foreign something that smells horrific. I am on the verge of gagging. All in all, not the best day I've ever had.

We are fun girls!

I just sat staring here at the screen for like 10 minutes trying to think up a witty title. I finally decided to leave it blank. Maybe inspiration will hit as I'm typing...okay that was an experiment and still nothing. Poop.

So my softball team is in the championship game this weekend. That's fun, except I'm about 90% sure I won't be playing. And one of the other teams is crying about when we beat them by one run in the last inning on a bad call by the umpire. They're saying he made the call because he's dating our coach, which he IS but ISN'T why he made the call. He had already made the same call during the game in the other team's favor and in the game the week before. So get off our freaking necks.

I had a really stellar weekend because Annoying Roommate (trust me, annoying is a COMPLETE UNDERSTATEMENT) went to Utah for a family reunion. She left Wednesday night and the rest of us wanted to PARTY. But we didn't, because we're kind of anticlimactic and boring like that. I can't even think of one thing I did that night...I'm thinking we watched TV and ate Otter Pops. It's pretty much what we do every night. But it was so glorious without her annoying comments and her annoying chewing and her general annoyingness! Thursday...yeah, we still didn't do anything fun. Friday night we had softball games to attend to, but afterward we got a pizza and rented She's All That (we wanted 10 Things I Hate About You but it was gone--curses!) and were so excited to watch a movie and eat pizza at our apartment WITHOUT Annoying Roommate and we popped the movie in and...

Our DVD player wouldn't play it. It said it exceeded the parental control settings. It's PG-13! Ugh. We've had this problem before, with Far and Away, AKA my favorite movie EVER. We don't know the password for it, either, so we just had to go to a different apartment. Wah wah. And then we hit up the park for some swinging/sliding/monkey barring action. It was fun besides the fact that we were all exhausted and falling asleep on the play equipment. And then we walked down the hall--I live at in 101 and we had to walk down the whole hallway, past 110 and 109 and so on--and every single apartment we passed was either devoid of girls or full of girls on dates with boys. We were admiring everyone's decor; lots of cutesy curtains and quotes and furniture and such. Then we (three single girls with absolutely no boys in sight) walked into our apartment and were hit with an overwhelmingly disgusting stench coming from the sink, which was overflowing with dirty dishes. The garbage was spilling over, the counters were dirty, and we all kind of looked around and looked at each other and shrugged and sighed and decided that was why were hanging out together, just the three of us, on a Friday night, instead of on dates.

But then we kind of didn't care anymore and all went to bed.

A frequent topic of discussion in our apartment is "Why don't boys like us?" We are, I assure you, VERY fun girls. We are all funny and smart and witty and (except for Annoying Roommate) not annoying. And the most repeated part of this recurring discussion is, "I mean, I'm not disfigured or anything!" We just don't really understand what girls DO to make boys chase after them! We were observing some girls at devotional one Tuesday, trying to pick up tips, but they all did the stupidest things...the eyelash-batting, hair-flipping, giggling type of things that will NEVER happen for myself or my roommate Kay Lynn. We discussed the idea of wearing foofy perfume, but rejected it because, well, we're not very girly. And I always get a headache when people wear perfume. So that's out of the question. But those girls always have boys after them! And then we decided that we didn't want the type of boys that went for those types of girls.

Unfortunately, that leaves us with...no one. Wah wah. So we've gone back to Plan A--waiting until our missionaries get home. They're better than all the stupid boys here anyway.

I finally thought of a title! It's what I yell for the whole apartment when we start the "why don't we have boys" conversation. Because we ARE. Please take the liberty of checking out how fun we are below.


4-wheeling!

Riding around in the backs of trucks in various states of sunburn!


Getting in our uniforms 2+ hours before our games and showing off our amazing muscles!

Seriously. We just don't understand why we don't have any other friends besides each other...but then we realize we are too cool for anyone else anyway.