Let me start this off by saying this new layout thing was an accident. I don't know how I did it and I don't know how to change it, so I guess it's good it's not that bad. Anyway.
I have made a resolution for fall semester: no boys. I'm not saying no boys will be in my life; I have many guy friends and I'm not just going to get rid of them. But that's it. Friends. I am NOT going to let myself fall for any of said guy friends or develop crushes on new guys or any of my usual tricks. No over-analyzing perfectly harmless smiles that have no meaning besides, "That was silly. We're friends." No hoping and wishing and dreaming and praying for things that I know, deep down, are not going to happen. I can't keep doing that to myself.
Oh, please, you might be saying to yourself. YOU, Mar? No crushes? Yes, me. No crushes. I am determined and I'm nothing if not stubborn. I think it'll be good for me. I can just relax and be friends and not try to impress anyone. And, as a result, I can just CALM DOWN about everything and not get emotionally attached to people who are not emotionally attached to me. It will be so much healthier.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Blogging is obviously not one of my talents. Apparently I only use this thing to vent. Sorry to anyone who has to read all those. I promise I have fun and love my life and am very blessed and all that jazz. I need to vent though. I'll mix good things in, too.
--Shooting guns is fun, and I am lucky to have good ol' country boys as my friends who have guns and are willing to take me shooting and let me waste their shells. I cannot hit a moving target to save my life (I really doubt that will ever be necessary to save my life, luckily), but I'm not too bad at blowing the branches off bushes. Sorry, nature.
--I've been pretty into Bob Marley lately. Just his music, not his drugs or hairstyle. Unsanitary.
--I am tan. Not really tan compared to many other people, but tan compared to my winter-self, which is always a fun thing. I've actually had several people comment on it, and the other day I was the tannest person out of our group of blonde, blue-eyed Aryans. Thank you very much!
--Sometimes I really hate girls. Why are they so mean to each other? And by that I mean: why do they always have to try to steal the boy I want? Especially when they are one of my really good friends and know better than anyone how much I like said boy? And why is it the girls who do that are always the ones who seem to have some kind of magnetic device that attracts all boys to them, no matter what, so even if he wanted to resist her wiles and pick me he would be powerless to do so?
--I also sometimes really hate boys. Why does it not matter if you've been friends for a long time and hang out every day and talk about everything and are super close? Why do they always choose some girl they barely know just because of that stupid magnet thing, even though she's way too young for them and way too high maintenance for them and doesn't even like the same music they do, for CRYING OUT LOUD??! And why do some boys who have been your best friend for 7 months and cuddle with you and call you every other day and have sisters you hang out with and get along with really well have to start dating someone else and then ask you for advice about it? Or boys you wrote to every week for their whole mission and sent packages to on their birthdays get home and start dating someone else and tell you they hope it works out with that girl because she was the only one who wrote to him who he "saw any potential with." That part is definitely not fun.
--It's finals week. I finished a paper today, have 8 more pages of another paper to write, haven't studied even one second for my anatomy and physiology final tomorrow, and have to take a final at 7 am on Friday. Why on Earth does a final exam at 7 am even EXIST? That's disgusting. My brain is supposed to be on and writing essays about value theory ethics and consequentialism at 7 in the morning? Yeah, right.
--I've decided to move to a different apartment complex after fall semester. That's a huge deal for me. I've never moved. I have lived in the same complex for the entire 3 years I've been in college, and I've been in the exact same apartment for over a year now. I don't deal with change well, which is why I need to do it. I am scared, even though it's really not that big a deal.
--My brother is getting married. Weird. I am going to have a sister-in-law. And I've never met her. So strange. And I admit I was upset at first. Working on that.
--I teach the students I tutor about time management. I am a hypocrite. Luckily they don't know that.
--Seriously, I'm mad about my roommate trying to hork my man. I've been seething about it all weekend and specifically all day yesterday and today. Plus when stuff like that happens I tend to back off rather than fight harder for him, so I haven't talked to him in like two days, which is actually not normal for us and is making me more upset. Oh, what a mess. I denounce men from here on out. I'm moving to the moon and my law degree will have to keep me warm at night, until I'm an actual lawyer and pay off my student debts and can afford a fancy heater. And then we'll see who's laughing when I'm rich and have a yacht and buy my own small island with the money I'm saving due to my large income and expenses of only one person and possibly some cacti (no cats because I hate them), which are the ideal plant because they are actually better off if you leave them to their own devices.
--I suddenly just caught a very strong whiff of skunk coming through my open window. Gag.
--I'm going home for 7 weeks and have no idea if I have a job or anything. I emailed the supervisor at the bank and haven't heard back. That will be an extremely long 7 weeks if I have no job. Not to mention the fact that I will end up being a bum and not getting to eat in the fall as a trade-off for having a place to live.
Bitterness over. Time for bed. I need to finish my paper and take my tests and pack up what I'm taking home for 7 weeks and clean...but it's 11:06 and that's actually half an hour later than I usually stay up.
--Shooting guns is fun, and I am lucky to have good ol' country boys as my friends who have guns and are willing to take me shooting and let me waste their shells. I cannot hit a moving target to save my life (I really doubt that will ever be necessary to save my life, luckily), but I'm not too bad at blowing the branches off bushes. Sorry, nature.
--I've been pretty into Bob Marley lately. Just his music, not his drugs or hairstyle. Unsanitary.
--I am tan. Not really tan compared to many other people, but tan compared to my winter-self, which is always a fun thing. I've actually had several people comment on it, and the other day I was the tannest person out of our group of blonde, blue-eyed Aryans. Thank you very much!
--Sometimes I really hate girls. Why are they so mean to each other? And by that I mean: why do they always have to try to steal the boy I want? Especially when they are one of my really good friends and know better than anyone how much I like said boy? And why is it the girls who do that are always the ones who seem to have some kind of magnetic device that attracts all boys to them, no matter what, so even if he wanted to resist her wiles and pick me he would be powerless to do so?
--I also sometimes really hate boys. Why does it not matter if you've been friends for a long time and hang out every day and talk about everything and are super close? Why do they always choose some girl they barely know just because of that stupid magnet thing, even though she's way too young for them and way too high maintenance for them and doesn't even like the same music they do, for CRYING OUT LOUD??! And why do some boys who have been your best friend for 7 months and cuddle with you and call you every other day and have sisters you hang out with and get along with really well have to start dating someone else and then ask you for advice about it? Or boys you wrote to every week for their whole mission and sent packages to on their birthdays get home and start dating someone else and tell you they hope it works out with that girl because she was the only one who wrote to him who he "saw any potential with." That part is definitely not fun.
--It's finals week. I finished a paper today, have 8 more pages of another paper to write, haven't studied even one second for my anatomy and physiology final tomorrow, and have to take a final at 7 am on Friday. Why on Earth does a final exam at 7 am even EXIST? That's disgusting. My brain is supposed to be on and writing essays about value theory ethics and consequentialism at 7 in the morning? Yeah, right.
--I've decided to move to a different apartment complex after fall semester. That's a huge deal for me. I've never moved. I have lived in the same complex for the entire 3 years I've been in college, and I've been in the exact same apartment for over a year now. I don't deal with change well, which is why I need to do it. I am scared, even though it's really not that big a deal.
--My brother is getting married. Weird. I am going to have a sister-in-law. And I've never met her. So strange. And I admit I was upset at first. Working on that.
--I teach the students I tutor about time management. I am a hypocrite. Luckily they don't know that.
--Seriously, I'm mad about my roommate trying to hork my man. I've been seething about it all weekend and specifically all day yesterday and today. Plus when stuff like that happens I tend to back off rather than fight harder for him, so I haven't talked to him in like two days, which is actually not normal for us and is making me more upset. Oh, what a mess. I denounce men from here on out. I'm moving to the moon and my law degree will have to keep me warm at night, until I'm an actual lawyer and pay off my student debts and can afford a fancy heater. And then we'll see who's laughing when I'm rich and have a yacht and buy my own small island with the money I'm saving due to my large income and expenses of only one person and possibly some cacti (no cats because I hate them), which are the ideal plant because they are actually better off if you leave them to their own devices.
--I suddenly just caught a very strong whiff of skunk coming through my open window. Gag.
--I'm going home for 7 weeks and have no idea if I have a job or anything. I emailed the supervisor at the bank and haven't heard back. That will be an extremely long 7 weeks if I have no job. Not to mention the fact that I will end up being a bum and not getting to eat in the fall as a trade-off for having a place to live.
Bitterness over. Time for bed. I need to finish my paper and take my tests and pack up what I'm taking home for 7 weeks and clean...but it's 11:06 and that's actually half an hour later than I usually stay up.
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