Lately, I have felt like I'm on a teeter totter of emotion. I first started law school feeling very intimidated, scared, and anxious, because at orientation I felt like everyone was smarter than I am and I was out of my league. But then classes started and suddenly I realized...hey, this is school. I'm good at school. I can do this. And I like it.
And then came last week. I'm not really sure what was going on--the work wasn't really any harder than it has been, there wasn't more of it or anything like that--but suddenly I desperately HATED law school. Actually, hate isn't even the right word. I was despondent. I was reading a case, noticing the citations and realizing the work I was doing (and cursing) in my writing class was never going to end. That's part of being a lawyer. And I suddenly found myself on tearing up in the library, because as I pictured myself doing all that work and being a lawyer and arguing cases in court...I did not want to do that. All I wanted to see myself doing was being married and having kids.
I'm not saying wanting to be married and having kids is a bad thing. It is, however, a bad thing to realize you don't want to be a lawyer, not even a little bit, when you are in law school. It was like a quarter-life crisis (thank you, John Mayer, for the terminology) and it honestly left me in tears. In the law library. The hopelessness carried through the whole week, making me more susceptible to frustration when I didn't understand a case or when my teacher sprang last-minute extra readings on us.
I got a paper back from my T.A. that was just ripped apart. Almost every sentence had something crossed out or added or a comment saying something like, "Good, not great." Then I got a paper back from my teacher that got a "check." The possible grades were check minus, check, and check plus. And I got a check. On a paper. That doesn't happen to me. It meant I was "right where I was supposed to be" on the paper. But I wasn't exceeding. And then I wanted even more to quit. Why go through all that awful, stressful work if I didn't even want to be a lawyer?
I spent a week on the verge of tears at every moment I did anything school-related. Even if it wasn't hard, I didn't want to do it. I didn't know what to do. Drop out? I'm already tens of thousands of dollars in debt. What would I do if I drop out? I'm not really qualified in anything. Cue more hopelessness. Other stuff, non-school stuff, was going on at the same time to make me wonder, "Why is everything falling apart at the same time? I can't do this!"
And then today I realized...yeah, I can. I don't know where or how this epiphany came. All I know is I was in the library, working on my paper after finishing my reading for contracts and property, listening to some David Archuleta (don't judge), and the hopelessness was gone. I finished the section of my paper I was working on, sent it to my T.A., and left, and as I walked home, I felt amazing. I felt like skipping. I have no idea where you came from, renewed love for law school, but I'm glad you're here. Please won't you stay a while? Maybe...another 2 and a half years? Thanks.
In other news, I went to Rexburg this weekend. It was splendid, despite some minor old-roommate-holding-hands-with-boy-I-like drama. (Nothing I'm not used to at this point.) I think I should probably stop visiting Rexburg so often, because it is not getting easier to leave. I get a stomachache when I think of how I don't live there any more. I'm such a wuss. And a slow adjuster. However, what I should do and what I will do are not the same. I have no intention of reducing my Rexburg visits. I love that place.
My life is really not terribly exciting. I mean, it is to me, because it's my life and I like it--quite a bit, really--but I don't go on wild adventures or have admirers fawning over me at every turn. But I get to learn a ton and laugh a lot and I'm happy. :)
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Law School Faves
So, I'm in law school now. I actually have been for two weeks, plus three days of orientation. I have been told 6 billion times that I should be proud to be there, that the people I've met are going to be my life long best friends, that I should not forget my life exists despite how much work I have to do, and that stare decisis means we follow precedent, which I already knew. Anyway, here are my top 5 fave things so far.
5. Wearing shorts to class. I realize this isn't law-school specific, but it is for me. At one point, I had decided I wouldn't ever wear shorts on campus out of loyalty for my BYU-I roots. But then I got here and it was 6 billion degrees, and I thought of all those times I hiked it up to the Ricks snugly in my jeans and close-toed shoes and sweated profusely, and I thought to myself...well, it doesn't mean I don't love BYUI less if I wear shorts. And now I get to enjoy a cool breeze without worrying about the wind taking my skirt away like a paper bag.
Downside: The law building is freezing. Walking to class feels nice, but I run the risk of hypothermia for the 9 or so hours I'm inside.
4. The nerd aspect. All my life, I've had a tendency to be the nerdiest person in any given room. I've been submitted to blank stares (at best) when I bring up logical fallacies and open hostility when I use facts to prove others wrong. But suddenly I came to law school and almost everyone is nerdy! When I express my doubt over the soundness of someone's logic, I get a logical argument back. It makes my nerd heart squeal with glee.
Downside: I am getting nerdier by the day.
3. It makes sense to me. I'm not going to lie, I was incredibly intimidated and frustrated after orientation. I felt inadequate and stupid. Then classes started and my teachers talked and I read and...it was school. Sure, there's more reading, and the fact that my teachers use the Socratic method incites me to actually do said reading, but it's the same basic principles. Read. Write. Go to class. I happen to be a very proficient reader, so I'm doing fine.
Downside: I'm worried I'm going to find out I'm not doing as fine as I think I am.
2. Being done with all my responsibilities by about 6:00 every night. I've never not had a job while going to school, so I've always had work contending with my classes and homework, meaning I often neglected my homework in favor of socializing or sleeping. The American Bar Association doesn't allow 1L's (first year law students) to hold jobs (or take classes outside the law classes, such as biological anthropology, not that I'm bitter) so they can focus on law school. It's kind of awesome doing all my homework after class and then going home and doing whatever I want. So far, this has meant vegging on my butt in front of the TV. Turns out "Friends" is on every day at 6.
Downside: I am poor and owe the government money.
And my number one all time favorite...
I get my own study carrel! BYU Law gives every student a key to their very own (rented) cubicle in the library, with drawers and cupboards that lock and is especially assigned to one student and one student only. I LOVE IT. I am super nerdy; this has been established. (See fave #4 above.) Having my own space, set aside especially for me and especially for studying, is practically heaven. I get to leave my books there and any other study tools I use. I seriously love it way too much.
Downside: All 3 people in the carrels immediately surrounding me are married men. We do not socialize. I do my work and that's that. I ignore the laughter and happiness coming from other sections of the study carrels.
5. Wearing shorts to class. I realize this isn't law-school specific, but it is for me. At one point, I had decided I wouldn't ever wear shorts on campus out of loyalty for my BYU-I roots. But then I got here and it was 6 billion degrees, and I thought of all those times I hiked it up to the Ricks snugly in my jeans and close-toed shoes and sweated profusely, and I thought to myself...well, it doesn't mean I don't love BYUI less if I wear shorts. And now I get to enjoy a cool breeze without worrying about the wind taking my skirt away like a paper bag.
Downside: The law building is freezing. Walking to class feels nice, but I run the risk of hypothermia for the 9 or so hours I'm inside.
4. The nerd aspect. All my life, I've had a tendency to be the nerdiest person in any given room. I've been submitted to blank stares (at best) when I bring up logical fallacies and open hostility when I use facts to prove others wrong. But suddenly I came to law school and almost everyone is nerdy! When I express my doubt over the soundness of someone's logic, I get a logical argument back. It makes my nerd heart squeal with glee.
Downside: I am getting nerdier by the day.
3. It makes sense to me. I'm not going to lie, I was incredibly intimidated and frustrated after orientation. I felt inadequate and stupid. Then classes started and my teachers talked and I read and...it was school. Sure, there's more reading, and the fact that my teachers use the Socratic method incites me to actually do said reading, but it's the same basic principles. Read. Write. Go to class. I happen to be a very proficient reader, so I'm doing fine.
Downside: I'm worried I'm going to find out I'm not doing as fine as I think I am.
2. Being done with all my responsibilities by about 6:00 every night. I've never not had a job while going to school, so I've always had work contending with my classes and homework, meaning I often neglected my homework in favor of socializing or sleeping. The American Bar Association doesn't allow 1L's (first year law students) to hold jobs (or take classes outside the law classes, such as biological anthropology, not that I'm bitter) so they can focus on law school. It's kind of awesome doing all my homework after class and then going home and doing whatever I want. So far, this has meant vegging on my butt in front of the TV. Turns out "Friends" is on every day at 6.
Downside: I am poor and owe the government money.
And my number one all time favorite...
I get my own study carrel! BYU Law gives every student a key to their very own (rented) cubicle in the library, with drawers and cupboards that lock and is especially assigned to one student and one student only. I LOVE IT. I am super nerdy; this has been established. (See fave #4 above.) Having my own space, set aside especially for me and especially for studying, is practically heaven. I get to leave my books there and any other study tools I use. I seriously love it way too much.
Downside: All 3 people in the carrels immediately surrounding me are married men. We do not socialize. I do my work and that's that. I ignore the laughter and happiness coming from other sections of the study carrels.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Decisions
I have to make a decision on where to go to law school. Like, now. Actually more like last week. But I keep putting it off because I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO. BYU is obviously a very logical choice. I have family there, I have friends there, it is a great school, and it is AMAZINGLY cheap. However. It turns out being a woman is getting me very far. I am getting accepted to schools better than BYU. So far I haven't gotten into any that are crazy better, but just a few spots higher-ranked. I'm just waiting to hear back from Indiana (ranked 27 or 26 or maybe 28?), and then I'll make my decision. (Before I was "just waiting to hear back from Arizona" before I made my decision. Notice a trend? I'm a champion procrastinator.) I set the deadline for myself that if I don't hear back from Indiana by March 25th I am going to commit to BYU.
I'm also trying to decide which type of law I want to pursue. Originally, I thought I wanted to do family law, and I haven't exactly ruled it out, but lately I've been looking more at criminal prosecution or international human rights. It sounds very impressive, doesn't it? I have to admit I work it into conversation whenever possible because I like sounding smart. Yes, I am pathetic. No, it doesn't bother me much.
Decisions of other kinds...well I don't have many. Daily, I curse the decision of what to wear in the morning. I usually go with jeans and a sweatshirt because I am tired and it is cold and why bother looking cute when I cover it all up with 3 jackets anyway? Deciding what to eat is actually not much of a hassle, because I never buy food, so options are limited. I hate grocery shopping. I'm not a starving college student because I'm poor; I'm a starving college student because I'm lazy. Ridiculous.
It's warming up! But it's still cold. And it will probably snow at least two more times before it's really spring. I don't understand why people are so worried about global warming. All the polar bears could just move to Rexburg and be fine. In fact, I frequently wish global warming would speed up so it will hit Idaho. Is that bad?
I'm also trying to decide which type of law I want to pursue. Originally, I thought I wanted to do family law, and I haven't exactly ruled it out, but lately I've been looking more at criminal prosecution or international human rights. It sounds very impressive, doesn't it? I have to admit I work it into conversation whenever possible because I like sounding smart. Yes, I am pathetic. No, it doesn't bother me much.
Decisions of other kinds...well I don't have many. Daily, I curse the decision of what to wear in the morning. I usually go with jeans and a sweatshirt because I am tired and it is cold and why bother looking cute when I cover it all up with 3 jackets anyway? Deciding what to eat is actually not much of a hassle, because I never buy food, so options are limited. I hate grocery shopping. I'm not a starving college student because I'm poor; I'm a starving college student because I'm lazy. Ridiculous.
It's warming up! But it's still cold. And it will probably snow at least two more times before it's really spring. I don't understand why people are so worried about global warming. All the polar bears could just move to Rexburg and be fine. In fact, I frequently wish global warming would speed up so it will hit Idaho. Is that bad?
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Some Updates
These are in no particular order. Okay, that's a lie. They have an order...the order in which I think of them.
1. My feet are absolutely freezing right now. I have socks on, but I'm contemplating putting on another pair plus my slippers. Seriously, I live in Antarctica.
2. I have many projects due next week. Huge projects. Very important projects. Projects that determine my whole grade. Yet here we are.
3. I have submitted 5 law school applications, 4 of which cost only the LSAC reporting fee of $12 because the schools decided they like me and would give me fee waivers. Why thank you, Law School People! How kind of you. I could potentially become fond of you as well.
4. I have a date next Friday with the boy on whom I have a large crush. :)
5. My roommates and I are going to Idaho Falls tonight to go Christmas shopping and have dinner at Red Robin. We spend lots of time together as a whole apartment because we're awesome and fun and say crazy things to each other that we write on our mirror so we can continue to laugh at them for weeks to come.
6. I've decided not to buy any more cosmetics or cleaning supplies tested on animals. Call me a hippie, but I just don't feel comfortable with the thought of a little bunny going blind so I can have mascara. Do I enjoy not looking like a 12-year-old? Yes. Yes, I do. But not enough to support animal cruelty.
7. I have to go to the bathroom really badly.
8. I am VERY excited for my favorite roommate to come back to Rexburg next semester, even though she is now married and won't be my roommate and everything will be different. Wow, that thought went from exciting to depressing very quickly. Anyway, I'll still get to see her everyday because we work together. Huzzah!
9. My grammar principle as of late is not ending sentences with prepositions. For example, in my previous sentence, "They have an order...the order in which I think of them", I did not say, "the order I think of them in" because "in" is a preposition and should not end a sentence. I sound extra nerdy and slightly snobby, but it makes my grammar nerd heart happy. Even if no one I talk to is aware of the principle, I am, and that's all I care about. And after I started paying special attention to it, I saw an episode of the Big Bang Theory (my new favorite show) where Sheldon pointed out the exact principle to one of the other characters. Thank you so much for validating me, Sheldon. I love you forever.
10. My feet are still freezing.
1. My feet are absolutely freezing right now. I have socks on, but I'm contemplating putting on another pair plus my slippers. Seriously, I live in Antarctica.
2. I have many projects due next week. Huge projects. Very important projects. Projects that determine my whole grade. Yet here we are.
3. I have submitted 5 law school applications, 4 of which cost only the LSAC reporting fee of $12 because the schools decided they like me and would give me fee waivers. Why thank you, Law School People! How kind of you. I could potentially become fond of you as well.
4. I have a date next Friday with the boy on whom I have a large crush. :)
5. My roommates and I are going to Idaho Falls tonight to go Christmas shopping and have dinner at Red Robin. We spend lots of time together as a whole apartment because we're awesome and fun and say crazy things to each other that we write on our mirror so we can continue to laugh at them for weeks to come.
6. I've decided not to buy any more cosmetics or cleaning supplies tested on animals. Call me a hippie, but I just don't feel comfortable with the thought of a little bunny going blind so I can have mascara. Do I enjoy not looking like a 12-year-old? Yes. Yes, I do. But not enough to support animal cruelty.
7. I have to go to the bathroom really badly.
8. I am VERY excited for my favorite roommate to come back to Rexburg next semester, even though she is now married and won't be my roommate and everything will be different. Wow, that thought went from exciting to depressing very quickly. Anyway, I'll still get to see her everyday because we work together. Huzzah!
9. My grammar principle as of late is not ending sentences with prepositions. For example, in my previous sentence, "They have an order...the order in which I think of them", I did not say, "the order I think of them in" because "in" is a preposition and should not end a sentence. I sound extra nerdy and slightly snobby, but it makes my grammar nerd heart happy. Even if no one I talk to is aware of the principle, I am, and that's all I care about. And after I started paying special attention to it, I saw an episode of the Big Bang Theory (my new favorite show) where Sheldon pointed out the exact principle to one of the other characters. Thank you so much for validating me, Sheldon. I love you forever.
10. My feet are still freezing.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Assorted News
First off, I got my LSAT score back. And ohhhhhhh baby am I proud of myself! I got a 163, which is the 88th percentile. I keep going back to the website to look at my score to make sure I really did read it right and it really isn't going away.
It's probably good enough to get me into my top choices (University of Maryland, BYU, George Washington, Lewis and Clark, Gonzaga), but my GPA may possibly drag me down. 3.5 sounds great when compared to my 2.8 roommate, but it doesn't look so hot next to all the 3.7s and 3.8s I'll be up against. Curses on Hebrew and Anatomy for giving me so much trouble! (But they were definitely my favorite classes and taught me the most. Why can't I be graded on how hard I tried and how much I learned?)
In other news, my "no-crush" resolution from the last post was a dismal failure. I lasted all of three weeks into the semester. I was holding out. I went the whole 7-week break prepping myself. I was really doing it. I did not flirt with a male in all that time, though at least one tried. In fact, I was so anti-boy I was rude. It was mean of me. And this particular new boy got some of that meanness in the beginning, before I even noticed him.
And then one day at work I heard a voice behind me and turned around to look and...well, he was cute. But then I forgot about him and went back to my man-hating. Until a few days later, when there was an open seat next to him.
"Okay, self," I told myself, "You have two options. You can stay away from him and keep your resolution and save yourself a lot of trouble and worrying and heartache. Or you can go sit next to him, talk to him, and inevitably end up with a crush on him that will most likely end in more frustration, tears, and pain."
Obviously I chose B.
It took about 5 seconds for me to develop a mad crush on him. He is smart, funny, very cute, nice, and (I think like this best of all) he tells me things like "You are beautiful" and "You make me smile" and "You're one of my favorite people" and wraps me up in big giant hugs in his big giant arms and smiles big giant smiles down at me. It's completely foreign and slightly scary but kind of amazing at the same time. :)
I keep telling myself not to get my hopes up, but myself won't listen and my hopes are already up. He seems pretty interested in me, but then again a few before him have seemed that way, as well. We shall see. I just hope I'm not shooting myself in the foot by half-expecting him to turn out to be a waste of time. I have a hard time believing it could be that easy--I could like someone and he could actually like me back, just like that. It's never happened that way before. I'm a sociologist. I follow trends and patterns, and this does not fit the trend. I want to do research and study and understand it scientifically.
It's probably good enough to get me into my top choices (University of Maryland, BYU, George Washington, Lewis and Clark, Gonzaga), but my GPA may possibly drag me down. 3.5 sounds great when compared to my 2.8 roommate, but it doesn't look so hot next to all the 3.7s and 3.8s I'll be up against. Curses on Hebrew and Anatomy for giving me so much trouble! (But they were definitely my favorite classes and taught me the most. Why can't I be graded on how hard I tried and how much I learned?)
In other news, my "no-crush" resolution from the last post was a dismal failure. I lasted all of three weeks into the semester. I was holding out. I went the whole 7-week break prepping myself. I was really doing it. I did not flirt with a male in all that time, though at least one tried. In fact, I was so anti-boy I was rude. It was mean of me. And this particular new boy got some of that meanness in the beginning, before I even noticed him.
And then one day at work I heard a voice behind me and turned around to look and...well, he was cute. But then I forgot about him and went back to my man-hating. Until a few days later, when there was an open seat next to him.
"Okay, self," I told myself, "You have two options. You can stay away from him and keep your resolution and save yourself a lot of trouble and worrying and heartache. Or you can go sit next to him, talk to him, and inevitably end up with a crush on him that will most likely end in more frustration, tears, and pain."
Obviously I chose B.
It took about 5 seconds for me to develop a mad crush on him. He is smart, funny, very cute, nice, and (I think like this best of all) he tells me things like "You are beautiful" and "You make me smile" and "You're one of my favorite people" and wraps me up in big giant hugs in his big giant arms and smiles big giant smiles down at me. It's completely foreign and slightly scary but kind of amazing at the same time. :)
I keep telling myself not to get my hopes up, but myself won't listen and my hopes are already up. He seems pretty interested in me, but then again a few before him have seemed that way, as well. We shall see. I just hope I'm not shooting myself in the foot by half-expecting him to turn out to be a waste of time. I have a hard time believing it could be that easy--I could like someone and he could actually like me back, just like that. It's never happened that way before. I'm a sociologist. I follow trends and patterns, and this does not fit the trend. I want to do research and study and understand it scientifically.
Friday, July 30, 2010
New Semester, New Leaf
Let me start this off by saying this new layout thing was an accident. I don't know how I did it and I don't know how to change it, so I guess it's good it's not that bad. Anyway.
I have made a resolution for fall semester: no boys. I'm not saying no boys will be in my life; I have many guy friends and I'm not just going to get rid of them. But that's it. Friends. I am NOT going to let myself fall for any of said guy friends or develop crushes on new guys or any of my usual tricks. No over-analyzing perfectly harmless smiles that have no meaning besides, "That was silly. We're friends." No hoping and wishing and dreaming and praying for things that I know, deep down, are not going to happen. I can't keep doing that to myself.
Oh, please, you might be saying to yourself. YOU, Mar? No crushes? Yes, me. No crushes. I am determined and I'm nothing if not stubborn. I think it'll be good for me. I can just relax and be friends and not try to impress anyone. And, as a result, I can just CALM DOWN about everything and not get emotionally attached to people who are not emotionally attached to me. It will be so much healthier.
I have made a resolution for fall semester: no boys. I'm not saying no boys will be in my life; I have many guy friends and I'm not just going to get rid of them. But that's it. Friends. I am NOT going to let myself fall for any of said guy friends or develop crushes on new guys or any of my usual tricks. No over-analyzing perfectly harmless smiles that have no meaning besides, "That was silly. We're friends." No hoping and wishing and dreaming and praying for things that I know, deep down, are not going to happen. I can't keep doing that to myself.
Oh, please, you might be saying to yourself. YOU, Mar? No crushes? Yes, me. No crushes. I am determined and I'm nothing if not stubborn. I think it'll be good for me. I can just relax and be friends and not try to impress anyone. And, as a result, I can just CALM DOWN about everything and not get emotionally attached to people who are not emotionally attached to me. It will be so much healthier.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Blogging is obviously not one of my talents. Apparently I only use this thing to vent. Sorry to anyone who has to read all those. I promise I have fun and love my life and am very blessed and all that jazz. I need to vent though. I'll mix good things in, too.
--Shooting guns is fun, and I am lucky to have good ol' country boys as my friends who have guns and are willing to take me shooting and let me waste their shells. I cannot hit a moving target to save my life (I really doubt that will ever be necessary to save my life, luckily), but I'm not too bad at blowing the branches off bushes. Sorry, nature.
--I've been pretty into Bob Marley lately. Just his music, not his drugs or hairstyle. Unsanitary.
--I am tan. Not really tan compared to many other people, but tan compared to my winter-self, which is always a fun thing. I've actually had several people comment on it, and the other day I was the tannest person out of our group of blonde, blue-eyed Aryans. Thank you very much!
--Sometimes I really hate girls. Why are they so mean to each other? And by that I mean: why do they always have to try to steal the boy I want? Especially when they are one of my really good friends and know better than anyone how much I like said boy? And why is it the girls who do that are always the ones who seem to have some kind of magnetic device that attracts all boys to them, no matter what, so even if he wanted to resist her wiles and pick me he would be powerless to do so?
--I also sometimes really hate boys. Why does it not matter if you've been friends for a long time and hang out every day and talk about everything and are super close? Why do they always choose some girl they barely know just because of that stupid magnet thing, even though she's way too young for them and way too high maintenance for them and doesn't even like the same music they do, for CRYING OUT LOUD??! And why do some boys who have been your best friend for 7 months and cuddle with you and call you every other day and have sisters you hang out with and get along with really well have to start dating someone else and then ask you for advice about it? Or boys you wrote to every week for their whole mission and sent packages to on their birthdays get home and start dating someone else and tell you they hope it works out with that girl because she was the only one who wrote to him who he "saw any potential with." That part is definitely not fun.
--It's finals week. I finished a paper today, have 8 more pages of another paper to write, haven't studied even one second for my anatomy and physiology final tomorrow, and have to take a final at 7 am on Friday. Why on Earth does a final exam at 7 am even EXIST? That's disgusting. My brain is supposed to be on and writing essays about value theory ethics and consequentialism at 7 in the morning? Yeah, right.
--I've decided to move to a different apartment complex after fall semester. That's a huge deal for me. I've never moved. I have lived in the same complex for the entire 3 years I've been in college, and I've been in the exact same apartment for over a year now. I don't deal with change well, which is why I need to do it. I am scared, even though it's really not that big a deal.
--My brother is getting married. Weird. I am going to have a sister-in-law. And I've never met her. So strange. And I admit I was upset at first. Working on that.
--I teach the students I tutor about time management. I am a hypocrite. Luckily they don't know that.
--Seriously, I'm mad about my roommate trying to hork my man. I've been seething about it all weekend and specifically all day yesterday and today. Plus when stuff like that happens I tend to back off rather than fight harder for him, so I haven't talked to him in like two days, which is actually not normal for us and is making me more upset. Oh, what a mess. I denounce men from here on out. I'm moving to the moon and my law degree will have to keep me warm at night, until I'm an actual lawyer and pay off my student debts and can afford a fancy heater. And then we'll see who's laughing when I'm rich and have a yacht and buy my own small island with the money I'm saving due to my large income and expenses of only one person and possibly some cacti (no cats because I hate them), which are the ideal plant because they are actually better off if you leave them to their own devices.
--I suddenly just caught a very strong whiff of skunk coming through my open window. Gag.
--I'm going home for 7 weeks and have no idea if I have a job or anything. I emailed the supervisor at the bank and haven't heard back. That will be an extremely long 7 weeks if I have no job. Not to mention the fact that I will end up being a bum and not getting to eat in the fall as a trade-off for having a place to live.
Bitterness over. Time for bed. I need to finish my paper and take my tests and pack up what I'm taking home for 7 weeks and clean...but it's 11:06 and that's actually half an hour later than I usually stay up.
--Shooting guns is fun, and I am lucky to have good ol' country boys as my friends who have guns and are willing to take me shooting and let me waste their shells. I cannot hit a moving target to save my life (I really doubt that will ever be necessary to save my life, luckily), but I'm not too bad at blowing the branches off bushes. Sorry, nature.
--I've been pretty into Bob Marley lately. Just his music, not his drugs or hairstyle. Unsanitary.
--I am tan. Not really tan compared to many other people, but tan compared to my winter-self, which is always a fun thing. I've actually had several people comment on it, and the other day I was the tannest person out of our group of blonde, blue-eyed Aryans. Thank you very much!
--Sometimes I really hate girls. Why are they so mean to each other? And by that I mean: why do they always have to try to steal the boy I want? Especially when they are one of my really good friends and know better than anyone how much I like said boy? And why is it the girls who do that are always the ones who seem to have some kind of magnetic device that attracts all boys to them, no matter what, so even if he wanted to resist her wiles and pick me he would be powerless to do so?
--I also sometimes really hate boys. Why does it not matter if you've been friends for a long time and hang out every day and talk about everything and are super close? Why do they always choose some girl they barely know just because of that stupid magnet thing, even though she's way too young for them and way too high maintenance for them and doesn't even like the same music they do, for CRYING OUT LOUD??! And why do some boys who have been your best friend for 7 months and cuddle with you and call you every other day and have sisters you hang out with and get along with really well have to start dating someone else and then ask you for advice about it? Or boys you wrote to every week for their whole mission and sent packages to on their birthdays get home and start dating someone else and tell you they hope it works out with that girl because she was the only one who wrote to him who he "saw any potential with." That part is definitely not fun.
--It's finals week. I finished a paper today, have 8 more pages of another paper to write, haven't studied even one second for my anatomy and physiology final tomorrow, and have to take a final at 7 am on Friday. Why on Earth does a final exam at 7 am even EXIST? That's disgusting. My brain is supposed to be on and writing essays about value theory ethics and consequentialism at 7 in the morning? Yeah, right.
--I've decided to move to a different apartment complex after fall semester. That's a huge deal for me. I've never moved. I have lived in the same complex for the entire 3 years I've been in college, and I've been in the exact same apartment for over a year now. I don't deal with change well, which is why I need to do it. I am scared, even though it's really not that big a deal.
--My brother is getting married. Weird. I am going to have a sister-in-law. And I've never met her. So strange. And I admit I was upset at first. Working on that.
--I teach the students I tutor about time management. I am a hypocrite. Luckily they don't know that.
--Seriously, I'm mad about my roommate trying to hork my man. I've been seething about it all weekend and specifically all day yesterday and today. Plus when stuff like that happens I tend to back off rather than fight harder for him, so I haven't talked to him in like two days, which is actually not normal for us and is making me more upset. Oh, what a mess. I denounce men from here on out. I'm moving to the moon and my law degree will have to keep me warm at night, until I'm an actual lawyer and pay off my student debts and can afford a fancy heater. And then we'll see who's laughing when I'm rich and have a yacht and buy my own small island with the money I'm saving due to my large income and expenses of only one person and possibly some cacti (no cats because I hate them), which are the ideal plant because they are actually better off if you leave them to their own devices.
--I suddenly just caught a very strong whiff of skunk coming through my open window. Gag.
--I'm going home for 7 weeks and have no idea if I have a job or anything. I emailed the supervisor at the bank and haven't heard back. That will be an extremely long 7 weeks if I have no job. Not to mention the fact that I will end up being a bum and not getting to eat in the fall as a trade-off for having a place to live.
Bitterness over. Time for bed. I need to finish my paper and take my tests and pack up what I'm taking home for 7 weeks and clean...but it's 11:06 and that's actually half an hour later than I usually stay up.
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