Bad Liar

I am not a good liar. At all. I'm really awful at it. I guess it's not necessarily that I'm bad at lying--I'm bad at coming up with lies on the fly. Example 1: I was in England, out for a run, and some crazy dude rode up next to me on a bike and started talking to me. He found out I was American (not hard to find out--it's all in the accent) and suddenly became interested enough to creep me out just a little. He asked me my name and I said...my name. My real name. I couldn't think of a fake one! Lies don't just pop into my head like that! I'm not good at thinking on my feet.

Example 2: Tonight, less than one hour ago, I was minding my own business at work (okay, fine, I was minding other people's business on Facebook, whatever) and a guy approached my desk. Without any kind of preamble, he asked me what kind of law I want to go into and then stayed and chatted with me for over half an hour. He would not go away. He was asking my opinion on weird things like immigration laws and Mitt Romney and whether or not I'm afraid being a prosecutor will get me enemies who will want to kill me. Um...okay. He also asked about my family and wanted me to tell him all my siblings' ages and where they go to school. Then the conversation took quite an interesting turn. (Because it wasn't interesting enough.) He got going on a fact pattern long enough to impress some of my law school teachers. First he told me that American women are the jewel of the earth. Alright. Then he asked if I'd ever marry someone from a different country. (I should add at this point he had a very thick accent and was clearly not from America.) I told him I'd never leave America and if I fell for a guy who was from a different country but was willing to live in America, I'd consider it. Then he asked how I'd feel if I married a guy and after two years of marriage, the guy got his citizenship (here he gave me a detailed account of the process you have to go through) and then left me because he already had a wife back in Argentina but he'd been lying so he could get American citizenship to bring his wife to America. I told him that wouldn't happen to me because I believe in dating for a long time before you get married and I didn't think a guy who was just trying to swindle me would be willing to wait that long. He started talking about how I'd feel the pressure of getting older (excuse me, sir) and the guy would pressure me by saying if I didn't hurry and commit he'd date other girls. I told him a guy who said that to me could go ahead and date other girls. Then he said, "Well, maybe he did wait all that time and you married him. What would happen when he left you and you found out he'd used you?" I told him I'd kill the guy.

Anyway, this guy was just talking my ear off and wouldn't leave and I was desperately hoping someone would come save me. I was also desperately hoping there would be some kind of way in the conversation for me to casually drop the information that I have a boyfriend. (I would be good at lying in that case, I think.) No such luck on either hope. And he kept dropping hints that we should hang out and we'd have fun and oh the discussions we could have--good thing I was a smart girl, yadda yadda, move along there, mister. And then he asked my name, and I told him my name (my real name again, ugh) and then he asked if I have a Facebook, and I said yes, and he had me write down my name so he could look me up. AND I DID IT. Why I did this no one will ever know, least of all me. And he went to a computer four feet from my desk and found me and added me on Facebook. So far I have not accepted his friend request, nor do I intend to do so. But I do intend to start practicing my quick-on-my-feet lying skills.