My knees hurt. Both of them. And while I was running this morning I got delicious little stabs of pain through my left ankle. And when I walk my right big toe and foot hurt. Running...yeah. It's been a little rough for me lately. I was sick all last week and ran like 5 miles total, but then on Saturday had a half-marathon that I obviously needed to run. I had already paid. And I'd never done a half. And it's not like 13 miles is that far. Well, I learned a few things: it doesn't matter the distance, a race always always ALWAYS seems never-ending, and (conversely) a half-marathon is a lot more enjoyable than a whole one. After a half-marathon, I am able to move. I am able to think coherent thoughts. I still have some energy left, but I also still get that I-can-eat-that-third-cookie-because-I-had-a-long-run feeling. All in all, my half-marathon experience was quite nice.
However, my general day-to-day running isn't going so hot. I have to run on the treadmill these days because it's dark and cold when I get up to run, and for some reason I'm really having a hard time. It's so so boring. But remember how I halfway trained for my first marathon on a treadmill? It wasn't as bad as this. I can barely get through 8 miles without wanting to die of boredom. Also pain. Soooo much pain while running these days. The aforementioned body parts + my hips and my back and awful chub rub that I got rid of for a little while there before the Teton Dam Marathon when I was actually training hard and feeling great and so skinny and in shape. I'm just so totally lagging in motivation and energy these days and then I get super frustrated because I'm supposed to be a runner! I don't feel I can continue to associate myself with real marathoners when I'm barely logging 30 miles per week these days.
Maybe I just need a break. It would probably be a good idea for my body and maybe it wouldn't be so bad for my mind, either. But then how do I get in a good workout? Sometimes I ride the bike and it's not nearly the same. It doesn't make me sweat as much or breathe as hard or get the energy out of my knees as well as running. And if I'm not dripping with sweat and gasping for air afterward, I don't feel like I even worked out at all. And I really think I might have restless leg syndrome or something, because if I don't run enough my knees just have this jumpiness all day, like an incessant need to bend them, except bending them enough to satisfy them hurts and also running enough to get out the jumpiness tends to hurt. What the heck, knees?! You're putting me in this horrible position all the time.
Another reason I don't want to take time off from running is because I know how hard it'll be to get back into it. I still remember how hard it is to start your running life and I know how easy it would be for me to just fall back into a life of laziness because it's so much easier and less painful and less sweaty and less expensive because I'm not spending so much money on running clothes and races and tape and sports bras and knee braces and physical therapy and gym memberships and shoes and hydration belts. Sheesh, until I listed all that I didn't really realize how much money really goes into my running habit. But I would also be a whole lot more unhappy. Basically, I have a love-hate relationship with running and right now it's getting hard and frustrating because I know what I'm capable of and what I'm doing aren't lining up right now. (It's the same way I feel about school.) I really, really need new running shoes--I have definitely gone over 300 miles in the two pairs of shoes I have that I alternate. One pair is completely worn down so there's almost no tread left. I know my awful shoes are contributing to my running pain, but good shoes are so expensive and I am poor! I have been saying I'm going to get new shoes since August. That doesn't seem like that long calendarly (yep, just made up that word), but running-wise that is pretty much FOREVER. I was due for new shoes in about August, but since then I have run a marathon and a half-marathon and all the running in between in those same shoes. Oops. Sorry, body.
Basically this blog post has been somewhat pointless except for me to highlight my frustration with my running these days. I know I won't actually take time off running, because if I go more than two days without running I get this sort of desperate, worried feeling that I'm going to DIE if I don't run soon. I know that's a bit weird but I don't care. I have freaking buff legs and if for some reason I needed to run really far without stopping at a fairly quick pace (I don't know what that reason would be--apocalypse, maybe?), I could do it, so I suppose I'll stick to running. This is just one of those times when I need to suck it up and get back into my groove.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
If a tree falls in the forest...
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound? A deep philosophical question. More applicable to most college students is the age-old question, "If you fart while wearing headphones, is it still audible?" Well, to the guy on the computer right next to my desk at work: yes. I indeed heard that and giggled, able to do so without embarrassing you because I am too short to be seen over the computer screen. Or even the bookshelf by my desk.
Wednesdays are sooooooo loooooong for me. I go to three classes (an hour and 15 minutes each--a super random length of time that somehow seems infinite) and then sit at work for six hours. It really makes me feel bad for people who are full-time students and work full-time as well. I only have to do it one day a week (actually I really do it no days a week, since 6 hours of work is not full-time) and it kills me. I really like my job, for several reasons, which I will now list:
-It looks super impressive on my resume.
-I learn a ton about legal research, which will (hopefully) come in handy in my future.
-I get paid $11.75 per hour.
-When no one needs my help and I have no projects for professors, I get to study. (This describes 80% of my work time and 99% of my Wednesdays.)
So obviously it is a great job and I am super lucky to have it and I know this and I appreciate my job. But for real, I have been here for 5 hours already and so far I have spent a grand total of 10 minutes actually doing work--I took a book to a professor (on the 5th floor, which makes me huff and puff up all those stairs on a regular day anyway, but I currently have no use of my nasal passages so I sounded like freaking Darth Vader once I got up there and actually stopped to catch my breath before embarrassing myself in front of my professor) and looking up the call number to a legal treatise on worker's compensation for a guy who claimed to be an attorney but was wearing a backwards hat and carrying a side bag, characteristics which describe 60% of the unmarried guys in my class (which is probably like 8% of the total males in my class). (I seem to be really into percentages today.) (Also parentheses.)
So, you may ask, what do I do with the other time at my disposal whilst getting paid? I'm glad you asked. Let me tell you. (I'm also really into lists today, apparently.) Today, I:
-Did my reading for Monday's First Amendment class (only 8 pages; what is this, Christmas??)
-Did my reading for Wednesday's Criminal Procedure class (only 24 pages; also very short! We don't have class Monday but it's not like I had anything else to do so I did my reading...that makes me sound like I really have it together but don't be deceived.)
-Did a whole lot of Facebooking, including stalking random people (of course).
-Looked at pictures of baby animals.
-Went to the bathroom three times.
-Took a trip to the vending machine for some Wheat Thins.
-Read some recipe blogs and salivated over the pictures with full knowledge that I am far too lazy to ever make any of those things.
-Did not look at/talk to my secret crush when I passed him on the stairs. (In my defense, this was on the way up to the 5th floor and I needed to save my breath/my sick voice sounds like a boy going through puberty/I've never spoken to him before so I don't know why we'd be friends now. Plus I'm pretty sure he harbors some bitterness form when I totally showed him up at a 10k last year.)
-Didn't hear/comprehend a guy's greeting to me until he was already gone. (He told me to have a good evening but all I got was whisper whisper mumble -ing so I just smiled and mumbled something unintelligible back in hopes that his brain would fill in a socially acceptable response for me.)
I thought all this would eat up more time, but I still have half an hour to go. Back to Facebook stalking it is.
Wednesdays are sooooooo loooooong for me. I go to three classes (an hour and 15 minutes each--a super random length of time that somehow seems infinite) and then sit at work for six hours. It really makes me feel bad for people who are full-time students and work full-time as well. I only have to do it one day a week (actually I really do it no days a week, since 6 hours of work is not full-time) and it kills me. I really like my job, for several reasons, which I will now list:
-It looks super impressive on my resume.
-I learn a ton about legal research, which will (hopefully) come in handy in my future.
-I get paid $11.75 per hour.
-When no one needs my help and I have no projects for professors, I get to study. (This describes 80% of my work time and 99% of my Wednesdays.)
So obviously it is a great job and I am super lucky to have it and I know this and I appreciate my job. But for real, I have been here for 5 hours already and so far I have spent a grand total of 10 minutes actually doing work--I took a book to a professor (on the 5th floor, which makes me huff and puff up all those stairs on a regular day anyway, but I currently have no use of my nasal passages so I sounded like freaking Darth Vader once I got up there and actually stopped to catch my breath before embarrassing myself in front of my professor) and looking up the call number to a legal treatise on worker's compensation for a guy who claimed to be an attorney but was wearing a backwards hat and carrying a side bag, characteristics which describe 60% of the unmarried guys in my class (which is probably like 8% of the total males in my class). (I seem to be really into percentages today.) (Also parentheses.)
So, you may ask, what do I do with the other time at my disposal whilst getting paid? I'm glad you asked. Let me tell you. (I'm also really into lists today, apparently.) Today, I:
-Did my reading for Monday's First Amendment class (only 8 pages; what is this, Christmas??)
-Did my reading for Wednesday's Criminal Procedure class (only 24 pages; also very short! We don't have class Monday but it's not like I had anything else to do so I did my reading...that makes me sound like I really have it together but don't be deceived.)
-Did a whole lot of Facebooking, including stalking random people (of course).
-Looked at pictures of baby animals.
-Went to the bathroom three times.
-Took a trip to the vending machine for some Wheat Thins.
-Read some recipe blogs and salivated over the pictures with full knowledge that I am far too lazy to ever make any of those things.
-Did not look at/talk to my secret crush when I passed him on the stairs. (In my defense, this was on the way up to the 5th floor and I needed to save my breath/my sick voice sounds like a boy going through puberty/I've never spoken to him before so I don't know why we'd be friends now. Plus I'm pretty sure he harbors some bitterness form when I totally showed him up at a 10k last year.)
-Didn't hear/comprehend a guy's greeting to me until he was already gone. (He told me to have a good evening but all I got was whisper whisper mumble -ing so I just smiled and mumbled something unintelligible back in hopes that his brain would fill in a socially acceptable response for me.)
I thought all this would eat up more time, but I still have half an hour to go. Back to Facebook stalking it is.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Placement Break
In law school, you get a week off each semester. (At least you do at BYU. Having never been to a different law school, I'm not sure if this is a law-school-wide thing.) This is obviously a good thing. I have no school this week. How could that be bad? And since I currently have no class or work on Fridays, I get a 9-day break from school. Woooooo buddy! What, you may ask, have I done with this break? Well, I went to Rexburg, of course. That's what I do.
First I went to Blackfoot to stay with the good ol' Heidi Ho (and her long-suffering husband, Dillon--long-suffering in the sense that he has to put up with me coming to visit semi-frequently [though not frequently enough] and our crazy antics) Thursday night after class and work. We stayed up way too late and ate way too many brownies and watched way too much "My Strange Addiction" because we couldn't watch Lifetime. Just a sidenote: "My Strange Addiction" creeps me out. Then we got up and ate blueberry muffins and drank orange juice and Facebook and blog stalked people. Such goodness.
Then Friday morning I drove to Rexburg, and believe me when I say I was STOKED. I passed familiar landscapes and towns and gas stations (Bob's Kwik Serve, of course) and listened to familiar radio stations and I was actually sort of giggling in excitement from Rigby to Rexburg, which is probably kind of weird/creepy, but I was alone, so I don't care. When I saw the BYU-Idaho/South Rexburg sign, I squealed out loud. I LOVE THAT PLACE. So I took the exit, drove up the hill, smiled at the GORGEOUS sight of farmland and the temple right next to each other, and hopped on over to the Ivy, where Robyn lives and was graciously allowing me to stay. Since it was conference weekend, everyone was gone and I got an awesome parking spot, which is not easy to do at the Ivy because 10 billion people live there and always have 10 billion other people visiting them.
Cut to me calling some of my most important BFFs and spending Friday-Tuesday laughing, smiling, bar-hopping (not for real), listening to good music, watching Breaking Bad, Sunday dinner-ing with Navajo tacos and some of my favorite people, visiting the Reading Center, eating at Ramirez, shopping at Broulim's, running my favorite routes, freezing my little keister off repeatedly, complaining about boys, raiding my friend's closet, talking about grammar, being somewhat awkward, and just enjoying the usual splendors of Rexburg. Good gracious I miss that place and I miss those people.
Wednesday morning I had to drive back because I had to work my usual 3-9 shift, and I was SAD. At the risk of being ridiculously over-dramatic and cheesy, I felt my heart breaking as I drove away. I would even go so far as to say I felt my whole self tugging backward to stay in Rexburg. Yes, self, I know--we want to stay there. But guess what? We are now a grown-up with responsibilities and we've gotta suck it up and leave. Many people find my love for Rexburg strange or even pathetic. This does not bother me in the slightest. The lovely Sis. Engstrom, aka my fave boss ever in the whole world, described it well when she told me sympathetically, "You left before your friends did." And even though this is not 100% true, because some of my friends left before me or have since left, it is largely accurate. I still have so many awesome close friends in Rexburg and it's hard for me to be apart from them. It's not that I don't have friends in Provo--though it's hard for me to make new friends when I feel like all I do is study and then when I'm not studying I'm either running or so daggum tired I don't feel like socializing or meeting new people or doing anything that requires me to not be in my PJs. It's not even necessarily that I don't like Provo itself. Mostly I just don't deal well with change. I'm a slow-adjuster. That should probably be carved on my headstone.
I also have a HUUUUUUGE issue with letting go of things/people. I try not to get attached too often, because when I do get attached to a place or a person or even just an idea, it is super-glued on my heart and it ain't gonna be easy getting it off. One of my favorite quotes is: "Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it." (David Foster Wallace) That's me. Once I'm into something, I'm IN. So being pulled from Rexburg before I wanted to be has been tough.
I'll admit, I didn't always love Rexburg. After my first year I wasn't sure I wanted to go back. So I keep reminding myself of that and hoping with time I'll come to love Provo, too. Or, at the very least, not want to cry every time I have to go back after being gone for a while. The moral of the story is right now I'm kind of sad and homesick for Rexburg and if I was not such a responsible/logical/poor student I would probably just go back for the rest of the week/my life.
But I looked at some pictures of baby animals and I definitely felt better. Maybe that's weird but I don't even care. Also I've been silently laughing to myself for the last twenty minutes because a guy on one of the public access computers keeps farting and it's dead silent in here and I can HEAR YOU, buddy! And when I get home Renae and I are going to catch up on the latest episode of Downton Abbey. And I get to go home for Thanksgiving in a little under 6 weeks.
So, to sum up: life is good. :)
First I went to Blackfoot to stay with the good ol' Heidi Ho (and her long-suffering husband, Dillon--long-suffering in the sense that he has to put up with me coming to visit semi-frequently [though not frequently enough] and our crazy antics) Thursday night after class and work. We stayed up way too late and ate way too many brownies and watched way too much "My Strange Addiction" because we couldn't watch Lifetime. Just a sidenote: "My Strange Addiction" creeps me out. Then we got up and ate blueberry muffins and drank orange juice and Facebook and blog stalked people. Such goodness.
Then Friday morning I drove to Rexburg, and believe me when I say I was STOKED. I passed familiar landscapes and towns and gas stations (Bob's Kwik Serve, of course) and listened to familiar radio stations and I was actually sort of giggling in excitement from Rigby to Rexburg, which is probably kind of weird/creepy, but I was alone, so I don't care. When I saw the BYU-Idaho/South Rexburg sign, I squealed out loud. I LOVE THAT PLACE. So I took the exit, drove up the hill, smiled at the GORGEOUS sight of farmland and the temple right next to each other, and hopped on over to the Ivy, where Robyn lives and was graciously allowing me to stay. Since it was conference weekend, everyone was gone and I got an awesome parking spot, which is not easy to do at the Ivy because 10 billion people live there and always have 10 billion other people visiting them.
Cut to me calling some of my most important BFFs and spending Friday-Tuesday laughing, smiling, bar-hopping (not for real), listening to good music, watching Breaking Bad, Sunday dinner-ing with Navajo tacos and some of my favorite people, visiting the Reading Center, eating at Ramirez, shopping at Broulim's, running my favorite routes, freezing my little keister off repeatedly, complaining about boys, raiding my friend's closet, talking about grammar, being somewhat awkward, and just enjoying the usual splendors of Rexburg. Good gracious I miss that place and I miss those people.
Wednesday morning I had to drive back because I had to work my usual 3-9 shift, and I was SAD. At the risk of being ridiculously over-dramatic and cheesy, I felt my heart breaking as I drove away. I would even go so far as to say I felt my whole self tugging backward to stay in Rexburg. Yes, self, I know--we want to stay there. But guess what? We are now a grown-up with responsibilities and we've gotta suck it up and leave. Many people find my love for Rexburg strange or even pathetic. This does not bother me in the slightest. The lovely Sis. Engstrom, aka my fave boss ever in the whole world, described it well when she told me sympathetically, "You left before your friends did." And even though this is not 100% true, because some of my friends left before me or have since left, it is largely accurate. I still have so many awesome close friends in Rexburg and it's hard for me to be apart from them. It's not that I don't have friends in Provo--though it's hard for me to make new friends when I feel like all I do is study and then when I'm not studying I'm either running or so daggum tired I don't feel like socializing or meeting new people or doing anything that requires me to not be in my PJs. It's not even necessarily that I don't like Provo itself. Mostly I just don't deal well with change. I'm a slow-adjuster. That should probably be carved on my headstone.
I also have a HUUUUUUGE issue with letting go of things/people. I try not to get attached too often, because when I do get attached to a place or a person or even just an idea, it is super-glued on my heart and it ain't gonna be easy getting it off. One of my favorite quotes is: "Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it." (David Foster Wallace) That's me. Once I'm into something, I'm IN. So being pulled from Rexburg before I wanted to be has been tough.
I'll admit, I didn't always love Rexburg. After my first year I wasn't sure I wanted to go back. So I keep reminding myself of that and hoping with time I'll come to love Provo, too. Or, at the very least, not want to cry every time I have to go back after being gone for a while. The moral of the story is right now I'm kind of sad and homesick for Rexburg and if I was not such a responsible/logical/poor student I would probably just go back for the rest of the week/my life.
But I looked at some pictures of baby animals and I definitely felt better. Maybe that's weird but I don't even care. Also I've been silently laughing to myself for the last twenty minutes because a guy on one of the public access computers keeps farting and it's dead silent in here and I can HEAR YOU, buddy! And when I get home Renae and I are going to catch up on the latest episode of Downton Abbey. And I get to go home for Thanksgiving in a little under 6 weeks.
So, to sum up: life is good. :)
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