Weekly Wednesday Words

My knees hurt. Both of them. And while I was running this morning I got delicious little stabs of pain through my left ankle. And when I walk my right big toe and foot hurt. Running...yeah. It's been a little rough for me lately. I was sick all last week and ran like 5 miles total, but then on Saturday had a half-marathon that I obviously needed to run. I had already paid. And I'd never done a half. And it's not like 13 miles is that far. Well, I learned a few things: it doesn't matter the distance, a race always always ALWAYS seems never-ending, and (conversely) a half-marathon is a lot more enjoyable than a whole one. After a half-marathon, I am able to move. I am able to think coherent thoughts. I still have some energy left, but I also still get that I-can-eat-that-third-cookie-because-I-had-a-long-run feeling. All in all, my half-marathon experience was quite nice.

However, my general day-to-day running isn't going so hot. I have to run on the treadmill these days because it's dark and cold when I get up to run, and for some reason I'm really having a hard time. It's so so boring. But remember how I halfway trained for my first marathon on a treadmill? It wasn't as bad as this. I can barely get through 8 miles without wanting to die of boredom. Also pain. Soooo much pain while running these days. The aforementioned body parts + my hips and my back and awful chub rub that I got rid of for a little while there before the Teton Dam Marathon when I was actually training hard and feeling great and so skinny and in shape. I'm just so totally lagging in motivation and energy these days and then I get super frustrated because I'm supposed to be a runner! I don't feel I can continue to associate myself with real marathoners when I'm barely logging 30 miles per week these days.

Maybe I just need a break. It would probably be a good idea for my body and maybe it wouldn't be so bad for my mind, either. But then how do I get in a good workout? Sometimes I ride the bike and it's not nearly the same. It doesn't make me sweat as much or breathe as hard or get the energy out of my knees as well as running. And if I'm not dripping with sweat and gasping for air afterward, I don't feel like I even worked out at all. And I really think I might have restless leg syndrome or something, because if I don't run enough my knees just have this jumpiness all day, like an incessant need to bend them, except bending them enough to satisfy them hurts and also running enough to get out the jumpiness tends to hurt. What the heck, knees?! You're putting me in this horrible position all the time.

Another reason I don't want to take time off from running is because I know how hard it'll be to get back into it. I still remember how hard it is to start your running life and I know how easy it would be for me to just fall back into a life of laziness because it's so much easier and less painful and less sweaty and less expensive because I'm not spending so much money on running clothes and races and tape and sports bras and knee braces and physical therapy and gym memberships and shoes and hydration belts. Sheesh, until I listed all that I didn't really realize how much money really goes into my running habit. But I would also be a whole lot more unhappy. Basically, I have a love-hate relationship with running and right now it's getting hard and frustrating because I know what I'm capable of and what I'm doing aren't lining up right now. (It's the same way I feel about school.) I really, really need new running shoes--I have definitely gone over 300 miles in the two pairs of shoes I have that I alternate. One pair is completely worn down so there's almost no tread left. I know my awful shoes are contributing to my running pain, but good shoes are so expensive and I am poor! I have been saying I'm going to get new shoes since August. That doesn't seem like that long calendarly (yep, just made up that word), but running-wise that is pretty much FOREVER. I was due for new shoes in about August, but since then I have run a marathon and a half-marathon and all the running in between in those same shoes. Oops. Sorry, body.

Basically this blog post has been somewhat pointless except for me to highlight my frustration with my running these days. I know I won't actually take time off running, because if I go more than two days without running I get this sort of desperate, worried feeling that I'm going to DIE if I don't run soon. I know that's a bit weird but I don't care. I have freaking buff legs and if for some reason I needed to run really far without stopping at a fairly quick pace (I don't know what that reason would be--apocalypse, maybe?), I could do it, so I suppose I'll stick to running. This is just one of those times when I need to suck it up and get back into my groove.