Things That Infuriate Me

Okay, look. I am easily infuriated. This is not a secret to myself or to anyone who has known me longer than two hours. I admit that sometimes weird things annoy me, but I can't help it. So since I've got nothing better to do, I compiled a list of things that fill me with complete rage and make me want to tear someone's face off. Let it be a warning to you.

(These are in no particular order.)

1. When my roommate leaves the toilet open.

I understand that this is a weird thing. But it REALLY bugs me. What is so hard about putting the lid down when you're done? Sometimes people carry things like their toothbrushes into the bathroom. Who wants to risk THAT inevitable mishap? (This hasn't happened...yet. It is currently one of my biggest fears.) Not only that, but do you KNOW how much fecal matter flies into the air when you flush the toilet?! My towel hangs right above it! THERE IS FECAL MATTER ALL OVER MY TOWEL BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO LAZY TO USE A SMALL FLICK OF YOUR WRIST TO PUT THE LID DOWN.

2. When people set the new roll of toilet paper on top of the rod thingy.

Is it really that much extra work for you to pull the plastic thing out and put the roll on right? Is your life REALLY that hectic that you can't spare those 5 extra seconds? I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY IT'S SO HARD.


This picture actually depicts two: 3. Unrinsed dishes sitting in the sink, AND 4. Dirty dishes in the sink when the dishwasher is empty/partially loaded. You have GOT to be kidding me! If you leave food on the dishes and leave the dishes sitting out, the food becomes crusty, and believe me when I say that NO ONE enjoys scrubbing crusty food off the plates. So rinse your dishes. And guess what--we have a dishwasher. (And it ain't me.) So when the sign hanging on the dishwasher says "DIRTY," that is your cue to load your dishes. I even added a line underneath, so that it also says, "LOAD ME UP!" Seriously. A monkey could figure this out.

5. People who talk REALLY loud on the phone in public.

I don't care about your conversation. For real. Sometimes I may eavesdrop, I will admit, but usually because it's inevitable. Annoying Roommate does this frequently. We'll all be sitting in the living room, the TV will be on, people will be cooking and eating and talking, and she will be screaming into her phone and laughing her annoying laugh. UGH! Just go in a different room! So annoying.

6. AllergiesSummertime=bliss. Sunshine, softball, lacrosse, hay, beautifully irrigated fields, being barefoot, dripping with sweat on your morning run, picnics, being tan, fishing, camping, fires, s'mores, mosquito bites, watermelon, hot dogs...seriously, best time EVER. Unfortunately, I have hay fever, which means all those blissful things also entail sneezing, boogers, snot, wheezing + the inability to breathe, itchy eyes that swell shut if you rub them, and an INTENSE itching in the back of the throat that is impossible to get rid of, even when making a heinously ugly bullfrog-like noise. I don't know if I have super allergies or just crappy medicine, but nothing works except Benedryl, which KNOCKS you right out. That's probably why it works--I'm just asleep for three months and then when I finally wake up, allergy season is over.

Another two parter: 7. Clingers, and 8. Hoverers.
Do NOT cling to me. (Unless you're a child. I mean, that can still get annoying, but I'll handle that one.) I am not your Siamese twin; we don't have to be touching at all times. Even if you are the love of my life, most gorgeous man on Earth, I want to spend eternity with you, you don't always need to be holding my hand/playing with my hair/wrapping your arm around my waist or shoulders/rubbing my back. Sometimes, I just want you to BACK UP and GET OUT OF MY BUBBLE and STOP TOUCHING ME and LET ME BREATHE, OH-MY-FREAKING-LANTA YOU ARE SUFFOCATING ME. And then there's the hovering thing. If there's something going on, hoverers have to be there. Conversations that have NOTHING to do with them and that they are not a part of? They'll butt in. They hear laughter and they come running and--before they even hear the joke--they start laughing, too. Oh, how it irks me. IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME.

I should really just find two more to make it a nice, even 10 (seriously, my OCD is kind of bothering me about it...I won't even admit how many other things about this post have been changed for this very same reason), but I've spent far too long on this and I'm done.